My 11-yr-old (to her slightly younger sister): Only an idiot would say that.
Me: Don’t call your sister an idiot.
Her: I didn’t. I said “only an idiot would say that.”
Me: You implied she was an idiot.
Her: I don’t know what that word means.
Me: Well, you know what the word inference means. I’ve seen it in your homework. I inferred from what you said that you were calling your sister an idiot. Quit it.
Her: Mom, inferences aren’t always right.
At that point, my eyes rolled back in my head and I swallowed my tongue. She was right and not right at the same time. Sort of. And she knew she wasn’t being nice, so we moved on. However, karma has a sense of humor, and later that week the same daughter woke us up in the middle of the night and told us her bed was wet. You’re thinking she peed the bed, right? So was I. But I patted her down and she was dry. The three of us stood staring at the huge wet spot all over one side of her bed and the puddle on the floor. And then I remembered the night I woke up to the sound of a waterfall and found my young son taking a whiz into the space between my bed and my nightstand. The little shit sleepwalked and thought he was in the bathroom! He never even woke up! So I raced into HIS room, and sure enough, he was damp and smelled of pee. Mystery solved, P(ee)S.I.-style!
Oh my God! Just the thought of what would have happened if my daughter had awakened to find her little brother watering her bed had us laughing for an hour in bed after we got everyone resettled. Can you imagine? What if he had peed on HER? Oh, I’m still dying. My daughter, bless her heart, was giggling, too…but she made us block her door with a chair last night. Just in case…
Anybody else have crazy kids out there? Comment below and the story that makes me pee my pants (okay, that’s not fair, a random commenter) will win an orchid temporary tattoo that looks like this to celebrate the release of HOOK UP at the end of the month!