There is no fixed – we live damaged.
Love does not conquer all – it just makes the damage worth tolerating.
There is no normal – no one is perfect.
Life is worth living for different reasons every day.
I love romance (partly) because I love tortured souls who get a happy ending. It’s a fantasy, but I love it just the same. You see, I come from a complicated family. My parents love each other, but the emotional abuse ran at a pretty high level in my childhood. Hello, co-dependency! Considering my roots, I don’t know how I managed to marry a well-adjusted and nurturing man.
My husband claims to have done good work with me, but we both know I’m cracked. We’ve been married for twelve years, together for longer than that, and although I’ve scored that happy ending (he’s fucking PERFECT!), occasionally I have to fight against my instincts.
When we fight, I want to take the car keys and walk out the door. He won’t let me. I want to clam up. He won’t let me do that either. My next instinct is to strike a killing verbal blow, one that will end the argument, perhaps our marriage. I don’t do it.
Admittedly, I’ve never been in therapy, so (for some) there may be a fixed. However, I think most of us live with a level of damage. We strive for fixed, for perfect, for skinny, for money… when what we really want is happy.
Fiction is fantasy. I write stories where two damaged people begin to find their fixed with each other. I like my lovers tied up with a neat little bow at the end, but I also like a looser knot, a more realistic union. I’ve read one book this year that did that kind of ending really well – The Lovers by Eden Bradley. Angst, hot f/f, m/f, AND m/f/f sex and an ending I like to ponder. It’s a brave book.
I believe happy is inside us and with a few mental adjustments, we could just have it. What is keeping me from my happy? My to-do list, varicose veins, not enough sleep, not enough protein, migraines, deadlines, bills to pay… (Holy shit, none of that is going to go away.)
Damage is different for everyone – every different damaged day. Damage is the new normal. So… (if any of you thought I could resist, you were wrong) what’s your damage? And do you think happiness can be achieved with a mental adjustment?